Lead, Kindly Light {What I Was Doing Eleven Years Ago}

This week—11 years ago.

{A short version which might seem long.}

 

Sister Jackson

The last Sunday (Sept. 29^th) in the Provo MTC felt like an out of body experience. It was the next-to-last day of my 8 week training period before I would be across the ocean and dropped into my new home: Portugal—and I was trying to balance my varied emotions. I remember singing with my district (a tradition—to sing with your district the last Sunday in the MTC) in Porguguese--“Brilha Meiga Luz” (Lead Kindly Light) and bore testimonies. That hymn became sacred for me that Sunday and has since been a tender favorite.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom;

Lead thou me on!

Advice that I wrote in my journal included a message from Brother Fillmore: “Continue in your gospel study for the best intellectual study you will ever find” I loved that quote and it has come to my mind many times since then. I have found it to be true. Scriptural study is enlightening and offers a spiritual power that cannot be earned in any other means of study.

MTC District

The Monday (Sept. 30^th) before our departure was chaotic at best. We had a long list of To Do’s (written on our makeshift chalkboard (the plastic on an unwrapped mattress in our room)) including laundry, bookstore, copy center, sewing sisters, organize, pack, package stuff to send home, Thank you notes, letter writing, hair cut,  last from-the-MTC letters (many!), re-packing, re-organizing, weighing bags, taking things out, turning in keys, and I ended up sleeping from 2:30am-3:30am after a full day of running. Non-stop last-minute action.

Sister J & Sister J: scrambling to get it all packed up!

We lined up early Tuesday (Oct. 1^st) morning outside building 1M --still dark and now raining—to wait for the bus to pick up the outgoing group of nametagged, anxious Elders & Sisters. It was strange to look out the bus windows and see so many familiar locations in Provo/Orem…and realize that was the last for a long while. The rain pounded hard as we unloaded at the airport and at the United Airlines desk my cheerleading crew (Kendra, Debbie, & Trevor) ran up to me—I felt a rush of calm. Trevor gave me a new, specially made CTR ring and told me he is moving home to Kentucky. My friends showered me with travel goodies and I talked to Mom and a few others on a cell phone before we loaded our first flight. 

Goodbye handshake with Trevor {awkward at best}

SLCà ChicagoàGermany

(where the passenger next to me said “Oh you have a badge, that must mean you’re important”)

à Oporto, Portugal.

Describing the feelings upon walking through airport customs and seeing my mission president & his wife for the first time: “I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh or smile. So I smiled.”

President & Sister Soares: Mission Home in Oporto, Portugal 

The night is dark, and I am far from home;

Lead thou me on!

From my journal on Wednesday October 2nd: “There are 15 Sisters in our mission today, 4 of us are new today. They received all new sisters in July, August, & October—so we’re basically all new. There are 115 Elders.”

Sister Missionaries: Oporto, Porto Mission {October 2002}

“The drive [from the airport to the mission home] was about 20 minutes, not through any big city area, but quaint…laundry hanging up, green trees, small European cars, people smoking, a few bridges, some cool designs with tiles on the outside of buildings…I was trying to drink it all in, but mostly was trying to orient myself…cobblestone streets, colorful buildings, blue-purple flowers…so beautiful!”

That first night we enjoyed a delicious meal and little devotional with President & Sister Soares. We each received a polished rock and a reminder that we are starting out like rough stones, and we will be polished through our experiences & the Savior’s invitation to grow, change, and serve with love. I can still remember going to sleep that first night in Porto. The heaviness of my tired eyes sharply contrasted the excitement in my willing feet.

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene--one step enough for me.

Thursday (Oct. 3^rd) I woke up in a daze. “I’m in Portugal—Braga here I come! I’m not really sure if I really know what this means—I’m here—and my job? We get up at 7am and are out until 10pm, bed by 11pm. I hand washed my dress last night—I wanted to wear it today because it’s so easy and then I don’t have to iron.”

My first companionship was a ‘tripla’—there were three of us Sisters serving together (instead of the typical two) and we were living and working in the beautiful, hillside, historic city of Braga. It is the third largest city in Portugal and the furthest area in our mission in which Sister missionaries could serve.

Trains, buses, taxis...no bikes for these missionaries!

We rode two different trains to get to our apartment, dropped off my bags and went to Loja de Sopas for dinner before walking a couple of miles to an appointment. I taught principles 3 & 4 in the 2^nd palestra. I was terrified but stumbled through it. Before going to bed I wrote in my journal “I don’t think I’ve walked so much in a big city before…my feet ache! And I’m excited about that.”

So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still

Will lead me on

Friday (Oct. 4^th) I woke up for the first time in my first missionary apartment—at 6:55am. It was an older apartment, up at least one flight of stairs. I remember the outside traffic sounds I could hear in the office and the huge closet in an empty room across the hall where I unpacked my clothes.

From my journal that first day in Braga: “We went to email at a local library for emails and on the way 1)I almost stepped in dog poo (note to self: watch out!), 2) an old man with no teeth stopped us and said I have no idea what, 3) all the old ladies where dresses & heels. At the grocery store I noticed TONS of yogurt, milk in cartons (that can stay on the shelf), no one bags your stuff, and lots of amazing chocolate. Shopping means walking home with lots of groceries which was new & strange. We taught part of the 1^st discussion to a Brasilian lady and her baby Philipe…then also to Luis who believes in reincarnation and loves to talk. We walk everywhere. I can’t believe it.”

Uphill, downhill...cobblestones

O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till

The night is gone

Saturday (Oct. 5^th) “We left and walked up around the centro to Alena’s house—Her two kids were home alone when we stopped by so we shared with them some scriptures. It was cool to hear these two kids speak Portuguese so fluently and I tried to visualize each word as Ruben & Marisa spoke. I have so much to learn. They live in such sad circumstances...”

Braga Centro

“…we walked through the centro. I love it! It is so beautiful! Shops, stores, market stops, a fountain—quaint and a tad touristy…o minho is the area we’re in and I’m falling in love. I’m so glad we get to live in this part of Braga!”

Braga Centro

“We knocked doors & doors & doors & doors until our appointment with Florenzee. She has dark curles, mysterious eyes, welcoming smile, & a Brasilian ambiance. She is here for work & school but has a few issues with what we’re teaching. Let’s just say…her current employment is in nighttime entertainment.  It was easy for me to get lost in the conversation between the thick Brasilian accent and her slight lisp, but she is so eager to learn and read scriptures with us. We then continued to knock doors until we got to our other compromisso with “the Brasileiros”. I guess the Sisters found them earlier this week, we taught the 1° again—4 rapazes (boys) & 1 rapariga (girl)…they seemed intent and curious. The most marvelous thing—the feelings you feel while teaching are amazing. Even when I’m so nervous. The things I DO know how to say are the most important. Eu sei que… (I know that…”)

And with the morn those angel faces smile,

Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

 

Balcony of our Braga Apartment

That first week as a sister missionary in Portugal

 was intense

{physically, emotionally, & mentally}

I was given opportunities to push myself

And feel the love of God

Lead me on

Through the truths we were teaching

And the people to whom we were ministering.

And learned more about myself than I ever will again in such a short period of time.

I fell in love with all things Portuguese

And what it means to follow that ‘kindly light’

Which has been the greatest of all the lessons ever taught or learned by missionaries worldwide.

...

I loved to choose and see my path; but now,

Lead thou me on!

...

Lyrics from Lead,Kindly Light

Found hFound hereere

A Day in My {Missionary} Life: Last Sunday

This morning (01.27.13), I went to missionary correlation meeting. I could write a post about the meeting itself (we have 3 sets of missionaries and 1 senior couple serving in our area--only 1 of those 4 sets serving in our ward boundaries is assigned to native English speakers...awesome!), but my post is about that last Sunday.

Today was one of our Elders' last Sunday as a full-time missionary for the Church. He has been in our ward for 4 months (serving the Nepali people) but has made the difference of much longer. In 3 days he will be back home. As he shared his final bits of wisdom and testimony with those of us in the meeting, I was overwhelmed with the feelings I remember from my last Sunday as a full-time missionary in Portugal.

I remember the emotions of that day like it was last week. We had 5 baptisms planned for that afternoon. One of them actually happened, and was a beautiful gathering. My heart was over-saturated with emotions--the most intense kind of joy mixed with the most intense kind of sadness.

Unfortunately, I did not write down paragraphs of journal entries about that emotional day (or week), but I did write down highlights  (and a few quotes from goodbyes from members) on orange post it notes that I stuck in my  journal...convinced that I would make time to embellish and record at some later date.*

Post-it Note List from January 4, 2004 

"No water, then: cold water--called Gaia 2...AMAZING testimony meeting

Julia, Carlos, Edite & Jorge, 

Tears, pics, rides, Gaia 2 Martins Fam

Dressed Pics, ,Start, 

Rui Braga : "dia especial... tribute to Sister Jackson"

baptism-wow. Testimonies from Josely & Janiny

Nuno Corte-Real "Don't worry about Fa. Gomes-you did your part"

Rui Braga: "I feel the Savior has accepted your work"

Bispo: "Look around--Carlos, Julia, Janiny, Josely."

Carlos: "I'll never leave--you've done your work--continue on your work won't finish here."

Julia: "You are perfect. Everything you do--thank you."

Swarmed! Emotions...wow. I'm exhausted. Must pack."

Notes today (upon reading these post-it notes for the first time in 10 years)

1. I had forgotten that we had to re-locate to the other ward  building for Janiny's baptism. That clarifies my confusion--I do remember it but did not recall why we weren't at the Gaia 1 building. Also, I imagine that made the mix of emotions even more explosive since all of the expectations were being thrown out the window...one at a time.

2. On the post it note for the Friday night before, dramatically & unfortunately, all I wrote down was "HELL". I know exactly what happened that night but I don't remember very many details. I can tell you that it was one of the top most heart-wrenching experiences of my entire life. A very dear family that I had been teaching and loving for months, and who was scheduled to be baptized on my last Sunday, decided that it was not what they wanted and asked me to leave their home. I remember crying as we discussed their feelings, on our walk home, on my phone call with the mission president, and much of that night. My love for them and the gospel was overwhelming and their rejection was equally so. I probably scared my companion, honestly. I hope she has forgotten more of the details from that night than I have.

3. My tears that Sunday were for the sweet family that I was missing but also for the missing I was already feeling for these beautiful, inspiring, lovely, incredible people that I had been learning and serving with. I had been in that same area for almost 10 months, and I would be leaving the very  next day. It was like saying goodbye to family.

4. I did forget about the special event of having a baptism on my last day and the energy of everyone sharing their memories, love, well wishes, and encouragement with me. I remember now. I felt so blessed to have one last gathering with those who had seen me grow, those who had served with  me, those who had learned as I taught, those who had fed me meals of soup and squid, those who had prayed for my success in finding people who were searching for truth. I am so grateful now to have that day as a balm for the hurt that I had been feeling that weekend before.

5. Janniny & Josely are sisters from Brazil. Sister T & I met and taught Josely during our first month together, and she was baptised with a strong conviction and love for the Savior. Within another month, she had moved to France and we didn't know how to find her. We called, visited her old apartment, and tried everything to get in touch with her. On some random walk on a sidewalk near the chapel, we got a phone call from Josely--she told us where she was and what she was doing. She said she would return. She did, and our visits were sporadic due to an overpowering aunt. At some later point, she introduced us to her sister, Janniny. Josely was there on my last Sunday and Janniny was baptized. I have lost track of these two beautiful sisters, but they come to my mind sometimes and I say a little prayer for them. Meeting with them, laughing with them, and learning with them are some of the brightest highlights of my missionary experience.

6. My last Sunday was wild. There were obstacles to climb over and challenges to put in their place. Testimonies were shared, compliments were graciously given, and goodbyes were whispered. The day was intense-- unique and appropriately culminating of all of the many variations of emotions a missionary will experience. I love that the sweetness of Janniny's baptism swallowed my sorrowing heart. I love that the members took the time to share with me their love. I love that it wasn't a perfect day but it was a blessed one. I love that many of my friendships from that time are still strong and uplifting. I love that I was given the opportunity to serve with all of my "heart, might, mind, & strength".

Sis. S, Janniny, Sis. J (moi), Josely {Last Sunday 01.04.2004}

*Let this be a lesson to us all: post it notes are better than nothing, but taking some time to write down details that you think you will  never forget is the only way you will, actually, never forget them.

A Day in My {Missionary} Life Series: Revisiting memories from my missionary adventures in Portugal--one day at a time. This year marks 10 years since I returned from my fast-paced, emotion-packed missionary life. I'll be sharing photos from my cheap camera, paragraphs from my tattered missionary journals, and bringing to life some of the memories that, while bright in my heart, are becoming dim in my mind. 

A Day in My {Missionary} Life: January 18th

Sister J: Outside the rented building for the Valadares branch

Saturday January 18th, 2003 {living in Rechousa/Valadares branch}

"Well, it's raining...again! A week e tal without rain--just cold--and now, it's back. Good old Portuguese weather--cold, wind, & rain! I was so happy to be walking around with my NEW umbrella (bought it about two weeks ago and then it stopped raining!) And then on the way to Maria & Amilcar's, all it took was a quick and furious wind...and--totally & utterly crinkled-twisted-broken!

Ahhhhh! One day? I was so shocked & disturbed--I laughed so hard I was crying, it was hilarious! And SO incredibly disappointing. 

Under Sister P's umbrealla, with her, we walked up the gravel path...mud & sand...wet, my broken umbrella, and her's actually is broken also (drawn diagram of broken sides)...

At Maria & Amilcar's--candlelight & shadows dance around us as we listen to the storm outside. Candle light & the Book of Mormon, we read some and answered questions & I taught the 5° palestra (my first time to teach it!). It went well.

We got completely soaked 2x yesterday. Well, basically all day long, but came home to dry, change, & warm up (lunch & dinner). I made 2 Brazilian carrot cakes (one for Rafael's birthday that we missed and one for us...that we ate half of and took the rest for Maria & Amilcar & family). SO good."

★★★

I had forgotten about my umbrella breaking the first day I used it (I  do remember now that I carried it around with me, excited to use it but no rain for awhile--which made me think just now: how nice it would have been to have a weather app on our phone back then!), but I absolutely love that in such a frustrating moment, 

we chose to laugh.

I need to do that more now...in moments where the rain is falling, I'm getting wet, my shoes are trudging in the mud (I do have a vivid visual of that walk in that mud up that hill to that little casa), I am far from my comfort zone, and no way of getting warm or dry anytime soon...that laughter can help lighten the challenging situation.

Be prepared for the rainy days, 

bake extra cakes, 

and remember to laugh.

A Day in My {Missionary} Life Series: Revisiting memories from my missionary adventures in Portugal--one day at a time. I'll be sharing photos from my cheap camera, paragraphs from my tattered missionary journals, and bringing to life some of the memories that, while bright in my heart, are becoming dim in my mind. 

The Babysitter & The Bubbles

Tonight we had a potluck dinner hosted by friends. The food was delicious and the conversation was fun--I love a night out with friends! 


Before we knew it (time flies when you're having fun, you know), we were on our way home to relieve the babysitter of her duties. We were calculating how much we would be paying her and decided to stop at the store to make the time equal the dollar bill we had available (is that silly?).


The Mr. mentioned how, since all of his family lived within a small distance radius, he never had a babysitter (outside of family) when he was a kid. He has lots of memories of spending time with grandparents but zero 'babysitter' memories. 


Since my family didn't ever have the luxury of grandparents/family *that* close to where we lived, we had babysitters/friends watch us as frequently as Mom & Dad went out. I remember a few babysitters more clearly than others, but one story sticks out among the files of memories.


I remember sitting on the couch & the babysitter asked me if the Dawn dishwashing liquid was to be used in the dishwasher. I really didn't pay much attention to the difference in dishwashing soaps, so I said something like: "Yup, that's the one" and she loaded it up. She did not have a dishwasher in her parent's home and did not realize the mistake she was about to make. 

Neither did I.

Within 30 minutes, there were white foamy bubbles gurgling out of the bottom of the dishwasher. I am sure it freaked her out, but I thought it was pretty cool. 


I can't remember details after that--I hope that my brothers & I pitched in to help relieve her stress (can you imagine!?) & clean up the mess. I do remember that I made a mental note of the difference of dish washing soaps so I would never make that mistake.

And it has stayed with me ever since.

Many a mistake have I made,

but never that one.

Did you have babysitters watch you when you were young?

Did you learn any valuable lessons from them?