Short Term Memory

I had forgotten...

about the late nights,
rooster-early mornings,
and spit up fountains.

I had forgotten...

about the late night cuddles,
sweet baby breath,
and soft silken skin.

I had forgotten...

about the messes of poo,
the wide-mouth cries,
and my body misshapen.

I had forgotten...

about the magical gazes,
the warm hand holding,
and feeling of heaven.

I had forgotten...

what it was like to fall in love all over again.


**Special thanks to Baby N, for reminding me of what I had forgotten**

Thankful Thursday: September 10th

Why, hello!

Happy Thursday to YOU.

Today's Thankful Thursday is brought to you by aspen trees.

Tall, graceful, white-barked aspen trees. There are a few of these ladies that wait patiently every day for me to open my blinds to say hello. Their jazz-hand-leaves remind me that I'm far from home (no aspens in TN or KY!), but their stalwart stance reaffirms my mantra that I can 'bloom where I am planted'. And I love 'em for it!

The tall aspens' glowing influence unwittingly reminds Mr. H of his love for the far away land called Utah, and they bring back sweet-and-soggy memories of a camping trip during my summer stay with cousins in Arizona (1993?).

*sigh*

Do Aspens remind you of a time or place?

Or is there another tree that influences your memory files?

I'm thankful for those lovely aspens--I can see them from my living room couch & as I type these words.

I'm thankful for special moments over the past week that have reminded me of the magnitude of my mother role. Lemme share a few with you:

-J bringing me his favorite Susan Boynton book, crawling into my lap, and bopping his head as he prods me to read...nay SING the book to him (click here for the version we play regularly for the J, here for more Sandra Boynton fun).

-Taking J to the beach for the first time as a walking person--and watching him decide (ever so slowly) that *maybe* it was ok to have sand between his toes

-J walking up to us after dinner with his ball saying "Ball...?" with that perfect tiny-voice inflection that says "please play with me!"--and deciding to play ball BEFORE cleaning up, just because we CAN!

-J showing an interest in the framed print of Christ on our wall & hearing him say "Jesus" for the very first time ("Dee-sus")

These are just a few...they seem to be happening more & more as J is learning and able to share with me what he wants and through words really help me realize how much he IS LEARNING.

It is in those moments that I feel myself WATCHING from the outside...as a little boy crawls into his Mama's lap, experiences new things with an opinion of his own, asks his parents for some play time, as a little boy starts to recognize & learn about Jesus Christ.

In these moments...I am grateful for the opportunity to be his mother, and I feel compelled to step it up as he is ready to learn and grow at a faster pace than ever before. I need to make sure to pay attention when he points to the print on the wall so I can use that moment to teach him who our Savior is and how much He loves us.

I need to be willing to put off the routine to enjoy the moment.

I need to be in tune to J's world, so that I can share these moments WITH him, instead of mistakenly pass them by.

I am thankful for the glowing moments this past week that have reminded me of who I want to be.

As I look outside, I see the aspens are nodding in reverence. They feel it too. These days are flying fast & I have to cherish every moment. Each moment is a gift. Each moment is a treasure.

I am thankful.

From Point A to Point B

My darling Baby J is morphing very quickly into Toddler J.

Too quickly.

Ok, so he hit a lot of baby milestones "early".

He rolled over, pulled himself up, cruised along furniture, etc...and we were told by many "oh, you'll have a 9 month walker!"..."he'll be walking in no time!"..."better watch out, he'll be an early walker!"...

To which I politely smiled, chuckled & responded with something like "we'll see..."(what are you supposed to say, exactly?)

But inside I was not smiling and chuckling.

The thought of an "early walker" sounded terrifying and somehow unfair.

As if their predictions really meant anything and if they came true, I would be pushed over the edge of babyhood into the trecherous canyon of toddlerland at an alarming rate--a timeline prediction that would take precious moments away from me and turn my life upside down...before it was supposed to be turned upside down. And, really--he would learn to walk sometime, no need to rush it, right?

Well, my friends--let me tell you.

Each one of those propurters of baby progress theories was WRONG.

9 months came and passed, then 10 months, then 11.

During this time, Mr. H suggested a toy to encourage his walking skills--I strongly suggested we enjoy the non-walking baby while we can...so we held off on any purchases.

12 months, 13 months...

...and here we are, just days before the 14 month mark (4 to be exact)...and we are on the cusp.

The cusp of a New Life.

A new life for J as a Toddler & a new life for me as Mama-of-a-Toddler.

For him it is a new dawn in toddlerville, an amazing adventure in mobility, an added dimension to freedom, independence, and free will.

For me it is the sunset on babyland, a crazy adventure in chasing, an added dimension to watching, preventing, and discipline.

I appreciate for him the excitement an thrill--I can see it in the bright of his blue eyes and gleam of his smile every time he takes a few steps with those chubby legs and square feet--he is absolutely ecstatic about his new (and still-acquiring) skill.

But I also feel for myself a tinge of sadness, a sense of 'losing my baby'--much more so than I even felt on his birthday. For babies this is like...the milestone of milestones, right?? It's HUGE. And I can't believe it.

Our lives as parents are quickly changing, and the world is becoming more accessible to the most darling redhead on the planet...as he takes one step at a time, taking us from point A to point B.

Wanna meet us there?

I'm still not very good at the one-sided conversation...

I've been trying to be more conversational with J these days...

since he's a toddler and all

and I know he is building his vocabulary

even though if you ask him 'where is Mama' he points to the farthest point in the room from his Mama

but he knows exactly where to point

if you ask "where is the ball?"

There is no doubt where his loyalties lie.

So these are some of the things I have heard myself say (as I try to be more vocal during our day...something I am not very good at, I want someone to say something back!) just this morning:

• "Mama is cleaning your booster chair. Because that's what Mama's do..."
• "Do you know where Daddy is?" (chirp. chirp. chirp.) "That's right! He's a work."
• "Mama is cleaning your booster chair again--look how clean it can be!"
• "Here's a cheerio...cheerio...cheerio..." (channeling the 'yip yip aliens' from sesame street)
• "Ok, we're going to change clothes now...right arm: YAY!...left arm: YAY!"
• "Why don't we play with the caterpillar instead of the computer?"
• "Great job! You fell down but you figured it out and you're not even crying!" (insert baby bursting into tears) "Well, at least you figured it out."

Thankful Thursday: June 11th

Today I am thinking about this week...

...this week last year was my last working week at my Registrar's-Office-of-Fabulousness job

...this week five years ago I was buying a wedding dress

...this week next year I'll likely* be living in another state

I am also thinking about the end of this week...

which marks the completion of the FIRST YEAR

-of my mother-self (including nursing--not the end, but a full year--, which has dwindled down in feedings AND I have switched back to 'regular' bras: a cup size smaller, I might add)

-of our parenthood adventure (which has changed us in ways we can't even begin to articulate)

-of Baby J's earthly life (way to go, J! From a darling little baby bundle to a standing, laughing, peek-a-boo-ing big boy!)

This is HUGE, people!

I know, I know...we already 'celebrated' his 'early birthday' last month...but...

this is the REAL THING.

On Sunday my baby will be 1.

He'll have 1 year under his tiny belt.

Awesome.

And. Crazy.

So...my dears, I am today oh-so-Thankful to the One who gives us all, who gives us life, who gives us babies to make us better than we were before. I'm thankful for the gift of motherhood and the ways I see myself changing through challenges. I'm thankful for the little sleeping J who has turned my life upside down (in a great way!) and the Mr. H who helps all along the way.

My heart is full of a years worth of moments.

And now I am crying.

Thankful tears.

Thankful Thursday: on Friday the 24th

Today is the 24th of April.

The 24th is pretty much my favorite day of EVERY month...since it's my birth date. Moreover...and on the topic of 24...the year I was 24 on the 24th was awesome (big year: home from mission, engaged, married, moved to 1st home). AND I can pretty much say that in my mind I am still 24. Do you feel an age different than what the calendar tells you?

OK--ONTO this Friday's edition of Thankful Thursday (becoming a habit, I'm sorry*, I promise I'll get with it!)...

This week I have been thankful for PEOPLE.

I am thankful for two people who devoted their lives to each other 30 years ago this week.

I am thankful for one person who is going to be the champion (albeit via not-fun-at-all medication treatments) over a newfound health challenge.

I am thankful for one small person who is the best travel buddy ever.

I am thankful for two engineer people who's fresh love makes me smile.

I am thankful for one genious-darling-of-a-nephew.

I am thankful for all three of my amazing brothers.

I am thankful for one very attractive (and very missed) husband.

I am thankful for three fabulous women who keep things running with the Stake Primary.

I am thankful for two high power Mama's with whom I had lunch yesterday.

I am thankful for one two-week-old baby who is making the world sweeter just by being around.

I am thankful for one longer-than-lifetime friend with whom I giggled and chatted till 1am this morning...

...Who are the people who YOU are thankful for this week??

*Saying "I'm sorry" does NOT mean it won't happen again. I am on vacation & cannot make any promises. Next Thursday I will be flying from the great mountain West back to the green delicious South. Not guaranteeing next week's post will be on Thursday...

Lessons from my 7 month old

Do you ever feel defeated by your own dreams?


Do you ever think that your goals are too much to realistically reach for?


Do you ever convince yourself it's not worth the effort to try again?

Today Baby J is 7 months old.

I was sitting here, cruising my facebook account (and chatting briefly with one of my favorite cousins) and I saw over the top of my laptop as the following unfolded...

Step 1: Baby J sees what he wants & crawls toward the tall block-design shelves

Step 2: Baby J confidently pulls the entire toy basket off of the shelf

Step 3: The force of the pull plus the weight of the basket cause him to fall over, flip, and land on his belly (pacifier remains perfectly in place)

Step 4: Baby J looks confused, scared, his plan did not play out as he had imagined--he starts to wimper

Step 5: I peek my head to the side of my laptop and smile at him

Step 6: He looks up at me, and with new resolve, smiles back

Step 7: Baby J immediately starts to push himself back up, crawls to the mountain of toys and finds himself even happier than before

I watched as he picked through the pile of colorful trinkets. I praised him for his success and I admired his determination.

I marvelled at the lesson he just taught me: "don't give up", "keep trying", and "it's always worth the extra effort".

Are we born with the desire to try harder, work more efficiently, and keep going?

Is the concept of quit or give up even in our design? Is this something we have learned as we have grown older...?

Perhaps we have to learn again what it means to really want something, and what kind of determination it takes to get there. I suppose that is another reason parenthood is such a divinely instituted part of this life...so we can re-learn our priorities and be reminded how to reach our goals.

What have you learned from children in your life?

Baby Buzz

"They [babies] can buzz you like a trillion cocktails.

Slur your speech and make you lose your mental functioning.

I imagine that you never get over the hang-over.

Impossible sobriety."

~Quote taken from yesterday's post on C.Jane's blog~

I have definitely been overcome by Baby J's impossible-to-really-describe effect on me since he was born just 6 months (and 2 days) ago. I laughed at the comparison to intoxication as I thought of our lack of sleep early on, and the overwhelming wonderity (wonder + insecurity) that befalls a new parent.

We now get our daily 'buzz' whenever the babe looks at us with his bright blue eyes and smiles because he recognizes us as his favorite people. Our hearts jump every time he smiles and something truly magical happens when we hear that little laugh. We are smitten, changed, and in awe of our little J.

Definitely "impossible sobriety".

**For your very own Baby J buzz, be sure to visit our blog as frequently as you like!**

Office Depot Throwing off My Mommy Groove

This afternoon, Baby J and I head out in our fearless four-door ride to our local Office Depot. For those of you who aren't aware, I do not love shopping. I don't like to spend hours in stores browsing shelves & aisles. I wouldn't say I hate it, but I really really really don't like it. It's not on my top 10 fun-things-to-do list.

There are, however, a few very special stores that I do enjoy taking my time and absorbing all that the store has to offer. Office Depot is one of those special stores. Cardstock, colorful paperclips, planners, organizers of all shapes & sizes...*sigh*. My idea of heaven.

I was excited for our Office Depot adventure. I had a small list of things to purchase, and while it was very difficult to keep to that small list (yes, I did have to put some things back), I did it. I made it up to the cash register, no problem-o.

Now was the moment of truth.

Could I be the cool-calm-under-control-hip-Mom that can empty her cart, keep her baby smiling, carry the diaper bag, swipe that card, sign her name with the magic-computerized-pen, have her keys in hand, take the bags and the baby --and do it all with flawless grace before she walks out the sliding doors?

The guy at the register asked if I needed any help. (Do they do that regularly at Office Depot? Maybe so, but I was confident I could do it all by myself. After all, I am that kind of Mom, right?) I said "Oh, thank you, no...I'm fine. Thanks, have a good night!"

I walked out with two bags and my keys in my left hand, baby and bag on my ride side (sans sling)--juggling perfection, I thought to myself.

Two hours later I was reviewing my purchases and realized I did not have 3 of my items. I searched the car, the living room, the diaper bag...where did those multi-colored organizing toys go??

I called the store and guess what. My bag of goodies was sitting there in the exact spot where I said "no thanks, I don't need your help." Do you think the guy laughed at me when he realized I left one of my bags there?

I was too busy imagining myself being the can-do-it-all Mom to actually BE the can-do-it-all Mom. Perhaps sometimes to 'do it all' you have to be willing to have a little help.

Disclaimer: I do realize that going shopping with 1 baby and a small list of items is not considered HUGE to many of you. I don't know why it was today. I don't have all my brain cells built back up yet. I'm still working on getting my Mommy Groove. Baby steps. :)

Run-in with Ms. Plaid Coat

Sunday evening we went to a friend's violin senior recital. I was excited for a cultural event and to support our friend and his wife. They had been handing out invitations to the recital at church for weeks, it was going to be great. It was a little bit of a challenge to convince Trevor to go but finally he relented.

We got seats near the back & Trevor sat by another friend from church--perfect. This way Trevor felt less ‘out of place’ at the event. Our violinist friend did a fantastic job, he has a great talent and it is always uplifting to listen to classical music.

I was having AMAZING time, listening to the strong & whistful sounds of the instrument, and imagining stories to go along with the notes. About 20 minutes into our enjoyment, I find myself face to face with the ‘violin instructor’. It seemed like she came out of thin air, I didn't even see her walk over to our aisle. She leaned over in her plaid jacket and said something to me in an upset tone. I didn’t completely understand because of her thick accent and so I responded with a polite, “I’m sorry?”

She repeated herself & I still didn’t completely understand but this time I got the basic idea of what she was saying “GET YOUR KID TO SHUT UP”.

Up until that point, Trevor & I were SO PROUD of Jackson for being so great! He wasn’t wiggly or crying or screaming or squealing or ANYTHING. He did squeal one time in between performances and did a few of his soft vocal sighs and one sneeze. That was IT. She probably made MORE noise with her dialogue than Jackson had made during the time we had been there.


I was mad. More than mad. A new emotion I had never felt before. A sort of primal Mommy-defense system came over me. My eyes locked in place and I kept thinking “what nerve!” and “she must not have children otherwise she would have taken the time to COMPLIMENT me on what a quiet and well-behaved baby I have”---Trevor could tell something was wrong, he asked “are you alright?” I said “Nope.” and stared ahead, wondering if the other Mommies were getting the same speech.


I wanted to get up and take my darling, well-behaved child out. And at the same time I wanted to move to the front row and give the instructor a toothy smile. I decided we’d stay until the intermission like civilized people and in the mean time we’d plug our baby’s mouth with a pacifier. I hated to do it. He was being so good, there really was no reason to put the thing in his mouth but I guess that is what the woman wanted me to do?


On our way out (during the intermission) a nice lady sitting in front of us commented on what a cute baby we had and how she didn’t even KNOW there was a baby sitting behind her because he was being so good. I smiled and thanked her--wishing SHE was the person ‘in charge’ instead of Ms. Plaid Coat.

I found out as we were leaving that the instructor is “a bit high strung” and the reason she was concerned was because they were recording for the violinist's applications to grad school (and that other Mommies were confronted as well).

Ok, so I understand the sound quality was an issue.

Here’s my beef:
1) My baby was being really really REALLY good, we were sitting in the very back, and I highly doubt his low-voiced sighs made it onto the recording
2) If it is REALLY that big of a deal, then please add to your programs or invitations “Because of the sound quality needed for the recording of the performance, please do not bring babies or infants.”

I could have left Baby J at home with Daddy and enjoyed a me-night-out for some classical music time. Instead, I left the performance early and have had not-nice thoughts about the instructor ever since.